"I would not interfere with any creed of yours,or want to appear that I have all the cures.There is so much to know... So many things are true...The way my feet must go may not be best for you.And so, I give this spark of what is light to me,to guide you through the dark, but not tell you what to see." -Author Unknown
I really love it when I realize I’m failing at something because it gives me a clear and present opportunity to improve. Seriously.
So a friend of mine, who is enrolled in a political science class, emails me to send me a quote from a Supreme court judge who is dealing with a case where a high school student was suing for a 1st amendment violation. The quote is:
when States developed public education systems in the early 1800’s, no one doubted the government’s ability to educate and discipline children as private schools did. Like their private counterparts, early public schools were not places for freewheeling debates or exploration of competing ideas. Rather, teachers instilled “a core of common values” in students and taught them self-control. Reese 23; A. Potter & G. Emerson, The School and the Schoolmaster: A Man-ual 125 (1843) (“By its discipline it contributes, insensibly, to generate a spirit of subordination to lawful authority, a power of self-control, and a habit of postponing present indulgence to a greater future good . . .”
By that measure, apparently, schools really are succeeding. They’re reaching their initial goal, as planned, to raise generations of Americans who don’t debate or ask questions, blindly trusting their leadership. So there it is.
Me being me, however, I kept replaying the words in my mind throughout the day, emphasizing each syllable differently, to see if the meaning could possibly be anything else, more innocent, more sinister, ANYTHING.
I’m moving through my “tasks-I-do-when-the-kids-are-very-involved-in-something” like hanging the laundry and doing the dishes. The kids were making miniature books upstairs, measuring, cutting, planning, designing… I overhear a fight between the girls and I listen long enough to get the gist of it and then I head upstairs to “say something.”
I swear, I should just keep my mouth shut. Why am I homeschooling when words of wisdom like this can extinguish any debate and communication that my kids DESERVE to engage in. Here’s what I said:
“I am sure that when she called it her room she wasn’t trying to minimize the fact that it’s your room, too. Stop picking apart every word that she says and trying to make it into a fight. So she said it was her room. Big deal. it’s your room, too. And just because she says “my room” that doesn’t make it any less “your room”
Then I went downstairs. Surely in my wake they were filed with peacefulness at having the situation resolved, right? Fat chance.
So in one bossy-mom-sick-of-hearing-the-arguing-incident, I managed to squash one of my favorite personal traits, and that is the picking-apart-of-language-to-get-the-deeper-meaning and also, standing up for oneself, defending property and debating semantics…. all of it, out the window, just because my sensitive ears were bothered.
Debate is so very important for civilized society. I hate conflict, my sister and I fought a lot as kids. Is there a link? We always got in trouble for fighting. Does that matter? As a mom I am always wanting to protect my kids (even from one another), but when I look back at my childhood, I don’t remember very much fighting. I don’t think I was as much influenced by the fights as I was by the feeling that “fighting is bad.”
I am so sick, today, of examining every thought I have in order to determine whether or not it’s worth keeping or tossing. The inclination to squash their fights and sort things out for them definitely needs to go. Sibling rivalry is totally a healthy way to learn about communication. Animal siblings do it and humans should, too.
Had their fight continued, they both might have come away with a deeper understanding of the need to communicate precisely. They might have physically hurt one another. They might have come away bitter about the distinction between mine and yours. they might have revisited the argument months later when the other sister made the dire mistake of saying “my room” instead of “our room” or perhaps the room-claimer would have been able to explain her way out of it, or apologize. Either way. I shouldn’t have stepped in. Kids have the right to communicate their feelings with one another honestly and openly. The best thing I can probably do for them is to model communication skills. Eventually, they’ll copy. I see this every day, they copy my good and my bad “behavior.”
This is their journey, not mine. If they feel the need to say hurtful things to one another, they deserve to see the honest result of that decision, not ME standing there, passing judgment upon their character, criticizing their instinctive communication, evaluating their worth, or predicting a life of misery.
I reserve the right, though, to call it like I see it. Instead of “seeing” a fight that needs resolved, I could have chosen to see “kids that could use some apple juice” and shouted upstairs to see who wants some.
While I probably won’t be marching upstairs to force peace upon them anymore (especially if I get an ipod for Xmas) I can totally discuss conflict resolution methods with them during peaceful times. In fact, we do that all the time.
This is where media comes in. Books, television and movies are filled with conflict and almost always, the viewers can think of different ways that the main character could have handled the situation.
The Thomas Jefferson method of homeschooling, which, along with the trivium, is the backbone for all classical education curricula, is highly dependent upon discussion. That’s right, talking. Our house sounds like a hen house sometimes with all of the girls involved in lengthy debates over the books they’re reading or the movies they’ve seen.
(Hey- another reason I need an ipod, my older girls & I can listen to audio books)
Anyway- the literature and books you read, discuss and debate become part of you. Some families use this as an excuse for limiting the books they allow their children to readfall in love with learn from. A lady in our local homeschool group wouldn’t let her son read Harry Potter because of this. I’m so NOT into censorship, and I believe that there’s good to be found in everything. We loved Harry Potter, and saw every movie the minute it opened, waited in line at midnight for the books to be released (in costume, no less) Our debates and discussions about the HP series were fantastic, and none of us came away with thoughts of malice. How could we?
So if anyone can name a book or movie where the characters debate everything based upon the meanings of the words, something that my 9 and 6-yr-olds would appreciate, then please let me know. Because this is the depth of how far I feel comfortable intervening. I can’t wait to look back & say “remember when you girls used to fight about every single word.” Hopefully the end result will be a deep and full understanding of the workings of language and increased, tried-and-tested communication skills.
Sometimes when homeschoolers or unschoolers are trying to explain how life and learning are naturally integrated, they use the example of cooking. I tried to intellectualize it in the article Cooking with Kids, but last night’s dinner hour was particularly good example of this “in action.”
All my girls love to cook. In fact, I was telling a friend the other day that sometimes we don’t have official “meals” because there’s someone cooking something all day long. A plate full of crackers with melted cheese, a blender full of fruit smoothies, a recipe someone saw on TV or invented from scratch. With so many people who like to cook, dividing our meals into specific menus really made it more work than is necessary.
Maddy (6) & Gabriella (8) like cook and serve food. When I am in my room working and the older girls are upstairs doing whatever t is older girls do (gossip, watch TV, write stories and song, dance or listen to music…) Maddy & Gabriella like to come around and offer everyone food.
Last night I was making dinner and Maddy came in, saying “I need a pan… the noodle-y kind”
In the past, I may have said “what for?” or otherwise grilled her, and come to the conclusion that since I’m making Dinner, she doesn’t need to cook. Instead, though, I just accepted that she needed a pan and decided to work on dinner alongside her, as equals.
So I opened the dishwasher (they rarely get a chance to cool off and get put away until we need them again) and I showed her all the clean noodle pans, she rejoiced with so much enthusiasm, saying “You are a master.” I thought that was pretty cute, but the conversation just kept getting better.
So we’re cooking together, she told Emilee that she’d make her a Top Ramen (blech) She knew how to prepare it all by herself. I wanted to carry the pan full of water for her, but we settled on having me bring it down from the sink. (me, being a control freak)
So she carried it to the stove, not missing a single drop. (physics)
Afterward, I said “Wow Maddy, I underestimated you. You really kept that balanced well” and she said “thank you. I know how to cook things because you showed me. I can just see you doing things and it makes me see that I can do them, too.” (self awareness, love of learning, gratitude, communication)
I was unloading the dishwasher when she said that and it was so relaxed and easy just being together. She was so proud, so articulate. (LIFE- kids are wiser than we give them credit for)
We made jello together, too. It was her first time making it. She was surprised that it was made with hot water because when she eats it, it’s cold. We discussed how the hot water melts the crystals and makes them swell up and the refrigeration glues them back together. (chemistry, physics) We measured water (doubling the recipe for math)
Both Maddy and Grace wanted to pour the crystals into the bowl. It takes 2 boxes for our family, so Grace (4) poured the first one and Maddy poured the second one. I pointed out that the pink Jello mix was the same color as their jammies. When we poured water into it, the girls pointed out that the red liquid was the same color as my shirt. We discussed the idea that everything pink turns red when wet and decided that it depends what it is. Pink toys won’t turn red. pink paint won’t turn red and their jammies would just look darker. (science, math, communication)
When the noodles she was making her sister were ready, I brought them out with a fork and asked “does she like the noodles with a lot of broth or a little? Maddy said a little and we both agreed that she preferred more firm noodles rather than mushy ones. Although Maddy likes them better mushy and I don’t like them at very much all. Maddy said “Everybody likes different things mommy, and that’s OK” (scientific observation, communication, Psychology)
Then she said “nobody would like cabbage and radish and (list of yucky things) in their noodles” so I said “there are some things everyone agrees upon, huh” I reminded her that perhaps in some country, some people eat that every day and it’s their favorite thing. (social studies)
She carried the soup upstairs to her sister, brought down the dirty dishes and said “Mom, I love cooking with you.”
These are the times that I wish more people understood. There’s no need to “make learning fun” because it already is. All we need to do is relax, and share our lives with our children. imagine- trying to pack all of that into a lesson plan for a first grader. Look at the insanity of standardized education. Look at what we would NOT have learned if I had said “I’m making dinner, sweetie. get out of the kitchen.”
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Upstairs, while we were cooking Dinner and the three oldest were watching a movie, Emilee asked Gabriella (8) what she should put as her facebook status.
Gabriella’s response:
” follow your heart, your heart will lead you to where you want to go.”
Watching my kids learn has been the most fascinating aspect of not sending them to school. Partly, I’m sad for the children whose education isn’t self-driven, because the “love of learning” face that toddlers are known for grows more beautiful the older a child gets.
At 4, Grace is very helpful around the house. Recently, she wanted to help me fold laundry. She sat by my side, wadding things up into little blobs while I obsessively created perfect folded squares. She looked at her pile and said “Mommy, show me how you fold.” So I did, we started with long sleeve shirts and she mastered it after 2-3 of them. Madelyn (6) came in and Grace was beaming at her new “pile” of perfectly folded shirts.
At 6, Madelyn is enjoying writing notes. Of course it’s faster to speak out loud but she is enjoying writing notes. She’s been playing Farmville and Yoville and some other silly FaceBook games and she has friends who write her notes while she plays. She loves chatting online with her friends and has decided that she’d rather communicate with everyone in writing. I must have spelled “I love you” out loud for her a thousand times last week. She doesn’t want me to write it for her to copy, she just wants me to say the names of the letters, including spaces and punctuation, for her to transcribe. She runs into the room several times a day to ask “Mom, how do you spell “get your stinky feed off of my pillow or you can’t be on my bed anymore” or maybe “Please please please get out of the bathroom I need to pee.” If I don’t say “space” or comma” when it’s time, she gives me an odd look. If a word doesn’t look right to her, she says “Are you sure this is spelled right?” At the end of each note, she EXPECTS a period, a question mark or an exclamation mark.When I don’t tell her to write one, she asks “Is this a complete sentence?
The kids have set up a system of mailboxes at everyone’s door and spend all day long passing notes throughout the house. So they’re learning to write and read and use punctuation and capitalization through love, through the desire to communicate. At this point, I can’t even imagine another way anymore. Imagine being assigned “Write “I love you” fifty times today. Wouldn’t that be ridiculous? It’s become increasingly ridiculous to me that kids are taught reading and writing OUTSIDE of the desire to communicate. THAT is what reading and writing are for. No wonder schools fail, when written communication is irrelevant.
At 12, Meagan spent many years as a victim of our aggressive work schedules. There just wasn’t much time or money to do the things she wanted to do. She always wanted to do Soccer but I could never find the sign-up information and Saturday 7am practices and games were NOT something we wanted to participate in. Actually- here, they practice like 3 days a week and play games on Saturdays at the crack of Dawn. So this year she decided she wants to take tapdancing. It works for us. We signed her up for a class for her age group and all of the girls in the class have been dancing since they were toddlers. The teacher showed them the dance really quickly. Meagan felt a bit lost, like she was in over her head. She set up the laptop in the kitchen and watched youtube to learn the beginner’s moves. She practiced tapping in the kitchen for hours and hours and hours. She didn’t even consider giving up. At class yesterday, she remembered the entire routine. She practices at home all the time. It’s noisy, but beautiful. She’s taking jazz, too and her smile is just phenomenal when she dances.
Learning is beautiful, when it’s rooted in love. Sometimes it’s my 6 yr old pleased to present us with personalized love notes or surprising us with notes she’s spelled on her own. Sometimes it’s my 4 yr old screaming at anyone who tries to fold a long-sleeve shirt because that’s her responsibility and sometimes it’s my 12 yr old tapdancing in the kitchen at 2am.
Today it doesn’t matter that the floors are crooked (wavy, actually) or that the bathroom is…. horrid- completely horrid, if we were owners not renters, I’d dynamite the bathroom and press a port-a-potty against the door. and it doesn’t even matter that while we were gone, my dog shed a 2 inch layer of hair onto my living room floor. We’re finally home:)
We drove 25 hours in one day (OK, 25 consecutive hours because technically that’s longer than a day) before we arrived in Park City, just north of Wichita, Kansas. We stayed at a Best Western (free wireless, free hot breakfast buffet and an indoor courtyard with a pool, foosball, pool tables, miniature golf and other stuff). The following day, we drove the remaining 6 hours into Dallas.
In Oklahoma we stopped at a roadside “scenic outlook” that showcased the geologic formations, which was interesting. More interesting, though was that on the BACK of the interpretive sign, several people had signed it and left messages. Some were funny, some were obscene and others were just a “hey I was here.” it reminded me of Facebook, especially when my 8 yr old asked if she could “sign the wall.” I stammered- writing on things in public is bad. I relented. This was the back of the sign, everyone else had done it, it won’t turn her into a vandal and I wonder, what does she have to say to the world? While the girls signed, I walked a little way down the hill to the edge of the overlook. on the railing, someone had adhered a custom-made die-cut sticker that said “I’m Already There” If you’re familiar with the country music song by Lonestar, then you know what this means. if not, Check it out on Youtube. I couldn’t believe someone went to all that trouble to leave their message, and what a perfect spot.
Once we arrived in Dallas and got checked into the hotel, my biggest fear was negated (people really did member me) and the older kids disappeared. I saw glimpses of them off and on throughout the week, but they were having so much fun with their friends and the many many many activities that the Rethinking Education Conference had planned.
I had a whole busy schedule of workshops and classes I wanted to attend. Instead, I spent much of my time with my children, I can’t complain about that, it was the most fun we have EVER had together. We went swimming each day, we rode up & down the elevators just because we could, we jumped on the beds, we snuggled until noon, we watched the Disney Channel and I didn’t work for even half a minute. I had the pleasure of sharing a few glasses of wine with like-minded moms at the mom’s night out (twice that week) and failed to convince my husband to go to the Dad’s night out. I got to visit with special friends, women who I know mostly online. our kids played together. Several times, I was told that my kids are amazing. I didn’t get to see them much, but I know they were random-huggers, making sure that everyone at the conference felt the love. They enjoyed making duct-tape things- a cell phone cover, a purse, a wallet. They performed in the talent show, they went to a few workshops and got very little sleep. Brandon and I made it to a few workshops. Between the audio book we listened to on the drive and the workshops we attended, we had plenty to discuss.
After the conference, we drove 20 hours to visit my sister, then a little over an hour to visit Brandon’s mother, sister and brother as well as their families, my kids were so excited to meet their cousins and it was really nice seeing my sister-in-laws (or is it sisters-in-law?). Even Uncle Ernie came over. We had our first hot meal of the week (hotel- no microwave in the room, no worries)
We crashed on grandma’s couch. Have you ever seen 8 people on a sectional sofa? Technically, a few of the kids snuggled with Grandma. The smoke from the Southern CA fires was still in the air and breathing was hard, I kept coughing.
The next day we drove another hour and a half to visit with friends, our very favorite family friends. I first met the Spargos when I was doing hair at Supercuts in Palmdale. I used to chat with her while her husband got his hair cut. Our daughters were the same age (not yet a year old) This year they’re both turning sixteen.
After dinner with the Spargos, we had dessert with Brandon’s sister and her husband then drove- 18 hours, home. We arrived around 2pm. We logged over 75 hours in the car with 6 kids, not nearly enough sleep, very little nutrition and more than enough love to make up for it all.
Last year I came home confused, my head was spinning from back-to-back workshops with very little time to decompress and reflect upon all the new information. It was like cramming for a test on a subject I’d never heard of before. This year, though, I’m relaxed, focused, more purposeful. I didn’t need all the workshops, I just needed a break. I have some new goals, some new memories and my little Universe has expanded. What more could I ask for?
Silly high-point, opening the swagbag to discover that I had an article published in the Home Educator’s Family Times. I get the email version, I guess I just forgot that there was also a printed version. It’s pretty cool to see my words printed for real. What is it about online publishing that’s so “not real?”
So- we all know American school lunches suck beans. Canned beans.
Anyway- on schoolfoodpolicy.com they’re examining several creepy and disturbing factors that contribute to the problem.
One, is the fact that lunch, in the US, isn’t part of the curriculum.
In Japan, students eat in their classrooms at their desk, they’re taught manners and deliberately fed nutritious foods so that they’ll develop a taste for nutrition.
In France, they’re fed in a classy restaurant-type environment and served fresh whole foods. It’s viewed as part of a lesson that teaches kids to appreciate good food, and they learn the names of the spices, the coking techniques and other things.
In Italy, lunch is over an hour, they have several courses, meat only once or twice a week and not as a main dish. They learn where the food was grown and the history of each ingredient, in addition to eating whole, organic, locally grown foods. They also view it as a lesson in their culture, nutrition, manners and their heritage.
Here- it’s all about stuffing their bellies so they don’t fall asleep in class.
Japan’s meals cost over $20 per kid, France and Italy are both $5-$10 and families pay on a sliding scale in each country, never more than half the cost of the meal. the school (city, district?) pays the rest.
And our school districts have to grovel for increases in the lunch budget. What a difference.
The website also discusses how the corn industry lobbies for school lunch laws that favor shitfood (I don’t have time to be PC) like Tyson breaded chicken nuggets. But they’re breaded with wheat flour, they point out. Never mind that the chicken is genetically modified and injected with HFCS that aren’t even LEGAL in other countries.
Ahhh- so glad my kids don’t have to go through that. If anyone is going to feed my kids shitfood, it will be me, OK. At least I know that the majority of what we eat is whole, organic and REAL. I think if I sent them to school I might feel like I could NEVER eat junk food because that’s all they serve. It’s times like these when I wish I was a local reporter so I could go check out our school lunches. Because, I could be wrong.
We have moths. This old house doesn’t have all of its window screens and every now & then a moth will fly into the house. In the daytime they hold very still somewhere and hope that I don’t kill them. On this day, Evelyn found the moth camping out on our living room wall. It didn’t feel right killing it in front of her, so I captured it in a glass using an envelope, and set it on the table for her to look at.
She’s 18 months old, and she watched the moth for nearly an hour. Grace was interested in it, too. it was really neat seeing the moth up close. At rest, we could see teeny little hairs on its face and legs, and even see a little powder being sprinkled from its wings as he flapped them. Grace (3) noticed that his wings were attached differently than a butterfly’s wings. After nearly an hour the girls got bored with it, so we released it into the yard. Today, nearly 3 weeks after that incident, grace brought me a picture she drew (today) of the moth. She has a side view and a top view, with sufficient enough details that I’m impressed. Learning IS fun.
I’m kinda sick of seeing so many programs for kids in poverty.
All over the place, it’s like saying that it’s expensive to help your kids be healthy or to learn or something. That could not be farther from the truth. Knowledge is everywhere, information is free. Everything a child could ever want or need to know can be conveyed without spending a dime, simply through conversation or google.
There’s absolutely no logical reason that a child from a family with an income of x should be at a disadvantage upon entering kindergarten than a child whose parents earn xxx,xxx. no reason at all. In fact, I will speculate that a mom who makes it her job to communicate with her kids all day, playing games and having fun, instead of working outside the home will bring down the family’s income base and possibly cause her kids to be “at risk” from a financial standpoint.
Oh wait- our government offers financial incentives for working women, bringing down their base income so that they can afford childcare. Does that mean that two-income families can also be “at risk?”
I think we need to change the terminology here because raising kids on a low income doesn’t automatically make them less intelligent, less healthy or otherwise place them at a disadvantage, period. In fact, I reckon that the TRUE cause of poor health in children is not poverty, but poor nutrition and lack of exercise, both of which our country promotes and encourages by spending so much money funding the processed food industry and promoting “early childhood education” which involves turning active, interested and engaged little children into mindless lazy robots.
Growing your own food and eating fresh local produce is not expensive. Eating processed foods causes malnutrition. For children to get exercise, all they need is open space outdoors. Most parks don’t charge admission. If you have a yard, that’s even better. People give away bicycles all the time if you don’t have the $100 or so that it takes to buy one brand new. You could also get one at a yard sale. Working in that homegrown garden is also a great way to get exercise. Perhaps children who aren’t getting exercise, regardless of their parent’s financial situation, are lacking energy from proper nutrition or aren’t allowed to play outside.
Where is this information that impoverished kids are at a disadvantage? Seriously, I’d like to see something that proves, statistically (because that’s how I am) that children of any race are at a disadvantage simply because of their parent’s economic situation, and not because of the rest of their lifestyle.
There isn’t any, because money is just a SYMBOL. Money is made up. Our income level means absolutely nothing when it comes to the health or intelligence of our kids, it’s WHAT WE EAT and HOW WE LIVE that puts kids at risk, not the income. When “poor” families choose to grow a vegetable garden, they can eat like kings on a grocery budget that’s just a fraction of what the average American spends eating junk.
In poorer areas of the world where they grow all their own food, they don’t have the health problems we have here (obesity, diabetes, cancer) because they’re eating REAL FOOD and not high fructose corn syrup or other garbage, refined flours, isolated starches and preservatives.
The numbers in the checkbook don’t mandate which books I read my children. In fact, did you know that “The Classics” which are supposed to make kids smarter as per the Thomas Jefferson method of education and the Well Trained Mind, are available for free download because they’re in the public domain. So don’t go complaining that your extensive literature collection cost a fortune, that’s a CHOICE. Once again, an impoverished family could share the same exposure to The Great Books that a family with money can. And libraries are free.
I know plenty of families who manage to live well on a low income. I also know plenty of moms with high family incomes who are saving and investing much of their income, rather than spending it on whatever it is that is supposed to make their kids smarter, and basically enjoying the same free and cheap lifestyle choices that the “poverty” moms do. The children are experiencing the same lifestyle, and both thriving. It’s not the bank balance that gives kids an advantage.
We’ve had our financial ups and downs over the years and there are advantages to both. That’s right, there are advantages to poverty and disadvantages to having money.
Our health care needs have not changed over the years, we rarely get ill. Mainly, what we miss when our income is low would be traveling. Surely there are studies showing that kids who travel are at an advantage, right? And how do they define disadvantaged anyways?
I’m not that impressed by all these programs that spend a fortune buying formula (with taxpayers money) for women who could be nursing (for free) and so called “nutrition” programs that buy a certain number of dairy products and processed cereals, with no regard for their cost, instead of actually teaching women how to read nutrition labels and grow a garden (SURPRISE- real food doesn’t even HAVE labels) Then, when kids are pumped full of high fructose corn syrup (subsidized by the government) they get state-funded health care for all the cavities and medical problems that the processed foods cause.
It’s not poverty that causes children to be ill or lack intelligence, it’s stupidity and well-intentioned “solutions” that presume to know all the answers without factoring in the importance of frugality, honoring nature’s design and the importance of healthy human relationships.
Even my very favorite magazine, Mothering, is guilty of this. So many times I’ve seen articles about “America’s poverty crisis.” In my mind, it’s not the poverty that’s a problem. It’s the decisions that families make about how to live, what to eat and how to entertain and transport themselves that impact a child’s experiences.
These programs for poverty do ONE productive thing, and that’s to send a message to parents and children that without money, you have no hope. Without money, you can’t take care of yourself. Without money, you have to depend upon the government for help. Why are these programs so widely publicized? Because a fearful population is easy to control.
Surely the IRS could raise funds by operating an opt-in mailing program, distributing information to families whose income ratio meets certain requirements, based upon tax returns. That would probably be cheaper than having each individual poverty-based-resource out there posting billboards, television and magazine ads perpetuating the myth that lack of income is the sole factor in determining a family’s effectiveness, instead of focusing on the OTHER factors like lifestyle, nutrition and happiness.
Poverty is a symptom, or perhaps a side effect, but not a disease.
And with that, I leave you with a video that you simply MUST watch if you’re making any kind of car payment.
Simply being at the conference was like a hallucination. Everyone around me was me- only cooler, clearer. It was the strangest feeling of one-ness that affirmed my unconventional lifestyle and inspired me to want to be even weirder. My head was spinning when it was over and it took me a long time to feel like myself again. In fact, I was supposed to have been doing a stand-up comedy routine, but as the week wore on, nothing seemed funny anymore. It’s one thing to sit here on my blog giving little insights into our backwards life, but it’s another to make a lifestyle of encouraging these oddities. I always say (with a shameful amount of apology) “It’s just how we are” but these advocates are saying “This is how humans are supposed to be.” and I really admire people who choose to be “out there” as advocates.
Jody McLaughlin was there, she’s the editor of Compleat Mother magazine, and she spoke about Women’s health issues, in a way that I agreed with 100% and thought about a thousand times, but never said out loud, much less thought of publishing an entire magazine about it. I wish the neck-nodding muscles would lift my boobs because I would have left Texas looking 3 kids younger. Jody would say “boobs sag, get over it.”
Back to Dayna, though. She’s got a knack for bringing out the best in people. Barb, the lady who puts on the conference said, in a recent radio interview,
“I have never, in all of my years… met a person who is as able as Dayna is to talk to people with 100% attention, complete respect, nurturing at all costs, and yet be able to tell you what you’re doing wrong,”
and that is a perfect description of her way of communicating. Anyways, Dayna & Joe have a beautiful family, and she just published Radical Unschooling – A Revolution Has Begun
My copy arrived in the mail this morning, I am actually going to spend the day snuggling up to read it. Following my bliss at the moment is a lazy day in bed. I am sure it will take all day to get through her book because when the kids see me immobile they rush me with books of their own. What could be better than reading & snuggling?
Sometimes, I wish I were more vocal about our odd decisions, and I am sure that as the kids get older, I will be. Right now, though, I’m glad that Dayna is “out there” spreading the word. I know she’ll get some slack, but she’s so very gracious and positive.
I can’t wait to congratulate her in person this year at the Convention, the lineup of speakers they have is fantastic. I’m sure my world will be rocked once again. I can’t wait to share the experience with my kids and my husband.
Our Homeschool group has an annual graduation ceremony. I love it, because it’s for the whole family. My kids look forward to it all year long. They involve all the kids in the group, awarding every child for meeting SOME kind of goal to wrap up the year. So one child might get a certificate for mastering the art of making french bread while another might get one for building a tree house. One year, a homeschooling mom actually graduated college online and was able to walk in the ceremony. The mother of a graduate once complained – she felt her son wasn’t given the spotlight enough because of all these “lesser” accomplishments. In my mind, however, completing a course of college while raising kids is way more of an accomplishment than finishing high school. Especially if you’re homeschooled. Like it’s THAT difficult? Sorry, but if finishing high school is the high point in your life then maybe you have other issues.
In the first set of pictures (top) baby Evelyn met up with her friends Alexa (Alexis?) and Lana. None of these babies has mastered verbal communication, but in the crowded graduation dance hall they found each other and proceeded to dance together to the music and hug frequently as if to say “Hey you- you’re little, like me. Let’s hug.” It was the sweetest thing. Such free and precious expressions of love from one baby to another, just because they shared a common bond of littleness, in a very big world. I wasn’t the only one taking pictures:)
After the graduation, everyone headed over to the grange hall and we danced the night away. Local instructors from the Yakima Dance Syndicate brought some swinging music and taught us some real live official swing dancing tricks. My feet were killing me, but I didn’t dare take off the cute little Sam & Libby shoes. I don’t get out much:) Anyway, it was the most romantic evening I’ve had in years. I know why my older girls love swing dancing, and why they look forward to dance night all month long. I just don’t understand how they can dance every dance without getting out of breath, it was ridiculous.
Wow- can this have been the best day in our family’s life so far? We arrived at the loading dock for the ferry on time, since I misread the itinerary and didn’t realize that our crossing was figured into the time line. There’s nothing like thinking you’ll be driving for 2 hours and only ending up driving for an hour. Anyways, the hotel breakfast wasn’t much to speak of. I always realize what a picky eater I am at hotel breakfasts. Thank goodness it’s complimentary, and that my kids aren’t nearly as picky as I am. Give them some mini boxes of cereal, juice they can dispense themselves, individually wrapped tablespoons of cream cheese on cold bagels and my girls are in heaven. And coffee, with flavored creamers. Isn’t vacation fun? Crabby old me wants to wake up with PROTEIN- so I get a cold, hard-boiled egg. At least there’s that, though. Some places don’t even have that.
The ferry ride to the island was an adventure. Madelyn, always cautious, wanted to understand how all these heavy cars could possibly stay afloat. Gabriella was fascinated by the nesting birds at the dock- swooping down into the water to bring seaweed and small fish to their babies in the nests. We all wondered how the baby birds would be affected by nesting over water. (If their first flying lessons go awry, do they swim back to the pole and – then what?) We also wondered if Octopus Giganticus ate birds. We all got to play titanic, closing our eyes against the wind at the front of the boat, like flying.
Landing in Friday harbor was fun, it’s absolutely adorable. It’s so clean, there’s a fine of over $1000 for littering, which includes cigarette butts. The weather was perfect, and I mean P to the E to the R – you know what I mean, sunny but not too hot, slight breeze of fresh, clean ocean air with occasional whiffs of lavendar from the lavender farm store, absolutely beautiful.
Funny thing- we took a little stroll downtown, husband was hungry. They have a bunch of little shops and art galleries. We just kept walking past them. I was getting annoyed, so I said “Honey. maybe it’s a girl thing, but every time we walk past a store or gallery, we want to go inside. Some look less interesting than others, and we don’t have a schedule, but we can’t just keep walking past everything.” WHEW- he got it, and we all scattered into three different groups, to see the most recent place-that-was-calling-us-in. We LOVED the lavender store, but chose not to visit the farm. The homemade ice cream- well, after owning a gelato shop for several years, can I say I was totally NOT impressed with the homemade ice cream, but the man who owned the place was very nice. The art gallery was lovely- I’m not sure which one we went into, but my older girls learned of a shwimaanakku (spelling murder, sorry) legend, that they had to write down to look up, it involves a stone monument that they liked. We also saw a few souvenir shops, My oldest daughter spent her allowance on the coolest heart key chain thing, with beads- it’s called a “forever heart” I think and you can put different beads in it. I tried to convince her to get the “I love my mom” bead, but she insisted she’d rather have something red.
We got into the car and drove to the other side of the island for lunch. OMG- no mini marts, no corner stores, no nothing. It’s pristine and absolutely amazing, we were in heaven. We stopped our car in the middle of the forest to look at a very young deer, who just looked back at us while he chewed. I snapped a picture, but he’s kind of hard to see. The whole island is a preserve, no hunting. The deer wasn’t the slightest bit afraid of us.
On the other side of the island, in Roche Harbor, we ate lunch at the marina, tasting life on the “other side” of financial freedom. One day, when I grow up, I wanna sail the world in my Yacht. If you promise not to steal the name, I’ll tell you. It’s called “Nauta Yittle” And it’s bad ass, too. I’m sure I’ll post pictures when I buy it.
Unschooling at Roche Harbor
The kids were eager to show us the marine life that had built its home under the dock. Funny- I brought all these books about exploring tidepools, field guides to insects, trees, birds and wildlife. I tried getting the kids interested in the books on the way there “Here- check out all the cool stuff we’re going to see” and not a single one of them took a bite. After we laid on the dock watching these things, they had to look up the names, and make sure I was right about anenomes (whew- I read the books, OK) I don’t think we figured out the name of the “palm tree worms” yet.
Anyways, I have to get dressed & ready now for today’s adventure- Port Townsend. Here’s a picture of the 5 oldest girls, Gabriella just HAD to go down to the water’s edge “Mom- I NEED to turn rocks over and touch things.” Who can say no to that? When she emerged from underneath, a family, just stepping off of their yacht, was quite surprised to see this heathen child, filthy from some muck. We groaned “OMG Bubba- look at you” She was thrilled with whatever treasure she had in her hands (a giant clam, I think- alive) and the 20something young man in the crowd thought she was just the coolest kid ever, she loved it. We rinsed her feet off with the hose at a pristine little garden, Gabriella was proud when I asked for the hose. “We have a future scientist here, researching…. muck. Can I please use your hose?”
Future scientist explores roche harbor hands on
Anyways, I gotta go, I will have to write more in the car, it was an amazing day. Our family needed this, thank heaven for digital photography. I think the picture that captures the feeling of bliss the best may just be the one one I put first here- of seeing my kids & my husband lying on the dock, getting an up-close look at the sea life. Hmmm- later I’ll add the lighthouse pictures. What a perfect day.
There’s absolutely no unbiased research about home education. Not that I really believe that there’s unbiased research about very many things anyways, but homeschooling is one area where the research is really shoddy.
Shoddy seems like a much stronger word than I intended to use, because I think that the people who are doing this research really do intend to find the truth. Also, since the goals of homeschoolers are different from the goals of the school district or the state, they’ll each have a different measure of success.
HSLDA (Home School legal Defense Association) lists a lot of research on their site, in a paper called “Academic Statistics on homeschooling.” The studies and statistics quoted were administered or compiled by the NHERI (National Home Education Research Institute), the US Dept of Education and HSLDA. The HSLDA provides legal defense for its members, based on the premise that homeschooling for religious reasons is a constitutional right, and nonreligious homeschoolers sometimes take issue with the HSLDA for that reason. It seems that no one is without bias.
On an interesting sidenote, a recent study by the US Dept of Education says that since 1999 the number of girls being homeschooled has gone up and there are now 7% more homeschooled girls than boys. At our house, though, it’s quadrupled, although the girl population at our house has gone up 600% so while it may appear that our girl-homeschool population has quadrupled since 1999, the homeschoolers in our house now only represent 66% of the population. However, I predict, that in 2015 our girl population will be down (because our oldest will be grown up) while our percentage of girls being homeschooled will be back up to the 1999 rate.
the US
1999- 850,000 homeschoolers (1.7% of girl population)
2007- 1.5 million homeschoolers (2.9%)
my house
1999 1 (100%)
2007 3 (75%)
2009 4 (66%)
2011 (83%)
2013 (100%)
Anyhow- I found a page called “Homeschooling Research & Scholarship” (click on it- even though it’s not blue) that listed academic research papers about homeschooling. The methodology of some of these is really questionable, these are college student’s research papers, and not large-scale pursuits.
Also, no one is really looking at the fact that these measurements – namely, academic test scores, mean nothing in the real world. The arbitrary points of measurement that the tests look for are absolutely no indication of whether or not my child will grow up to be a mass murderer, a good mother, a helpful neighbor, a compassionate friend, kind to the elderly, have a clean kitchen, wear wrinkly clothes, know how to read a bus schedule, get a good rate of return on her 401k, handle stress without yelling at people, balance her checkbook, whiten whites, fix a leaky sink, recycle, change her sheets regularly, give gifts people enjoy, remember to send birthday cards or fill out her tax forms, keep a husband or know when enough is enough, question authority when it’s necessary and recognize earned authority.
There’s more to a child than their test scores. I can’t imagine a research study that accounts for every aspect of human existence. What measure of “success” would they use? High SAT scores? Good credit? It would certainly not be their ability to diagram sentences, memorize the capitol of every state or conjugate verbs.
Yeah- this is my house the day we get three ginormous packages from Rainbow Resource Center. Regardless of which homeschooling method we’re in the mood to identify with, stalking every UPS man in the neighborhood is a lot like listening for sleigh bells. I was in the middle of making pancakes when Gabriella started shouting “THE UPS MAN IS HERE” and the whole house went into chaos mode. Of course, the dog gets out and he’s freaking out because there’s a big brown muscular, strong man who always beings me just what I want delivery truck in the driveway.
Anyways- the boxes are in the kitchen, things are being opened and the kids are shouting “A Leonardo DaVinci kit, woohoo” and “I’ve always wanted this book, hooray” and “A bridge-making kit- yippee” and it was all very exciting. Ironically, the first thing that each of them wanted most of all was a sketch pad.
Yep- a spiral bound book filled with blank paper. WTF? Like we don’t always have blank paper in the house? What about building bridges, reading books, doing art projects and Leonardo Da Vinci stuff? All you want is the sketch pads?
first grade math
OK- whatever. My Madelyn was a sweetie, she became interested in the math book almost a full ten minutes later. She sat down and got through 1/4 of first grade math in a matter of 2 hours.
The other girls are now reading their high-quality literature and checking out the educational video games and building some Leonardo Davinci stuff. But still, the sketch pads are never out of reach. And I totally get it, but it’s ironic, isn’t it.
Last weekend was a busy weekend on stage for the Russell girls. On the Friday before Mother’s Day, Emilee played Sleeping Beauty in a local production of Cinderella (Or how a guy named Pauly turned out to be a fairly good fairy godmother) She’s in the big pink froofy bridesmaid dress, centerstage. The show is interactive, and with an audience of children they tend to get, um, noisy. My hats off to the cast who was able to integrate the audience into the show, it was great, from what I saw. Evelyn was running circles trying to escape, she loves the playground, and the show was in an elementary school auditorium. She was running around like crazy.
I’m so glad she was able to participate in this production, she had so much fun. She actually pulled a few all-nighters and painted all of the backdrops for the set, too. I was proud of how she managed her time and made conscious, planned-out decisions about how to execute the task.
melody lane singers yakima
On the same exact day, Meagan was 3 hours away in Seattle. She was on the Melody lane Spring singing tour. They visited Safeco Field, saw a show at the Seattle Children’s Theatre, and did lots of other stuff. I’m sorry, all I really know is the drop off time, the pickup time and the shirts were bright gold. She performed- somewhere. She had fun. She took a thousand pictures.
On Mothers Day, Emilee sang at church. It was the Beatles Song “Maybe I’m amazed” but they changed some of the words around to include the word “mother.” Once again, Evelyn was being wild in the pews, so I missed a lot from the wiggling, but that’s OK I would have just cried anyways.
Weekends like this make me long for the city even more. The girls are so “in their element” on stage. Being that I didn’t witness Meagan’s show, I could be wrong. Meagan’s in her element whenever there are several giggling girls and a few cute boys around. Still, once we get to the coast, I know the girls will enjoy that there are more opportunities to perform there. Until then, we’ll continue working the local scene. See you at the show, I’ll be the one chasing the baby in the back.
What’s your family’s learning style? Learn the difference between unschooling, Charlotte Mason, car-schooling, classical education, online education, and school-at-home.
Deciding to homeschool is a huge step toward a new lifestyle. The homeschool curriculum industry has become enormous. A plethora of educational companies are offering an overwhelming variety of options which all translate into one word for new homeschoolers; decisions. How is a parent supposed to know which choices will work for her family?
School-At-Home
It’s so easy to picture the kids sitting nicely at the dining room table, with a neat stack of books and an apple by Mom’s teacup. For families with compliant children, and no educational objections to the merits of mimicking the schools, school-at-home might be the perfect solution.
There are several vendors of pre-packaged curriculum products. Some programs offer record-keeping, homework help and parental support via the telephone or Internet. Sonlight, a literature based curriculum, even offers a full refund guarantee. Although, to be fair, their curriculum is quite flexible and involves a lot more snuggling up with good books than sitting at a desk memorizing facts.
Online Learning
A popular choice lately – computer-based schools – offers families more interaction with other online students in chat room environments and access to “teachers” via email and message forums. Online learning is often favored by families with busy lifestyles. Lisa Whelchel, the actress who played “Blair” in TV’s Facts of Life, and author of So You’re Thinking About Homeschooling [Multnomah Publishers, Inc., 2003] used an online school for her children’s education while she was promoting her book release.
Online schooling removes the child from the physical classroom without placing the burden of lesson plans and teaching upon the parents. Online homeschooling is also a good choice for parents who might be afraid to take full responsibility for the educational fate of their children.
Classical Education
Classical learning has many catchphrases. A Thomas Jefferson Education and the Charlotte Mason method are just two of them. Often history and literature rich, and based on a trivium of increased understanding, they rely heavily on developing writing and communication skills, feature high quality books including “The Classics,” and include a great deal of discussion and reflection. The Well Trained Mind by Susan Wise Bauer [Peace Hill Press, 2004] is a handy guide for understanding and getting started with a Classical Education.
Unschooling
Families who are comfortable throwing away the textbooks and not inflicting any sort of lesson plan or agenda upon their child’s education might want to try unschooling. Unschooled children are free to learn (or not) according to their own whims and aren’t directed to working from workbooks or textbooks. Learning for an unschooler is the result of pursuing an interest and self-studying it until the interest is satisfied.
Eclectic
According to a poll on the Mothering Magazine message boards, most home schoolers consider themselves “eclectic.” An eclectic homeschooler “takes the best and leaves the rest.” Using the most appropriate aspects of each method is the perfect way for many families to customize the education of their children to meet the many needs of the family.
An important thing for prospective homeschoolers to do is to honestly evaluate their ability and desire to work within the homeschooling framework they are most attracted to. Participating in a network of families (online or in a local support group) who are actively homeschooling will provide feedback and tips to help new families find their way.
f you’re thinking of homeschooling your kindergartener for a trial run next year, you’re in good company. Many homeschoolers get their start by committing to “just one year.”
For more information about different homeschooling styles, Ann Zeise has built up a wonderful forum of homeschooling links and articles.
Meagan planned a slumber party to earn a Girl Scout badge. They had to plan a restaurant, set the menu, the prices, and everything. There were nutritional requirements, the meals had to be balanced. They added a lot of creativity; I’m thinking I should scan the menu and post it. They looked up the words ‘bold girls” in French and named their restaurant whatever that ended up being. They did the cooking & preparing of foods, setup the house with 4 tables and when their families came to pick up the girls, they got to sit down & dine in my house. The girls took turns being waitresses, too. Here are pictures of the action
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