Mrs Hannigan's Home for Girls

This gets me steamed- and I see a lot of “gentle” parents doing it. It sounds like this;

“Oh sweetie, it makes mommy so sad when you _________”
or
“Come on, give grandma a kiss, you’re hurting her feelings”
or
“Please ______ honey, it would make me so happy”

Here’s a newsflash- Your kids are not responsible for your emotions, OK. Now, if I only had the nerve to say this to xxxxxxx. (and here’s the part where I begin to address xxxxxx as if this were a note to her all along…)

Your 2 yr old is confused enough, he doesn’t need the added confusion of your emotional instability.

Instead of telling the kid that he’s making YOU sad (because his world really does not revolve around you) why don’t you find out what he’s upset about. Perhaps he didn’t want to come inside. Perhaps all he wanted was to play outside a little longer. Now that you’ve wrangled him inside so that he can tend to your emotional needs, what should he do with himself? Do you need a footrub, too?

It might be easier (and less insane) to wrangle him into the house by preparing a snack, bubble bath, or inside activity, instead of simply saying “it’s time to come inside” because “coming inside” doesn’t sound like much fun but “coming inside to roll bouncy balls down the stairs” does sound like fun.

I can’t imagine anything more stressful than the idea that my caregiver’s sanity or mental state of mind was dependent upon my actions. That is a recipe for one neurotic kid.

I secretly hope that you do read this. I’ll admit it’s you and we can talk, OK. Your kid doesn’t need to be concerned with having your emotions tied to his actions.

I hope that if you ever hear yourself saying “you’re making mommy sad” your face begins to twitch and you realize all of the psychological implications that thinking may spawn and begin to say it less and less, focusing on the REAL SITUATION, which is not your emotions, but the fact that there’s a rattlesnake on the porch or it’s hailing golf balls, which are two very good to come inside right now. otherwise, you’re better off helping him transition (described above- the bouncy ball thing)

Remember- your child is not the source of your emotions, you DECIDE how you feel. Please don’t forget that.

If deep thoughts like this rock your world, then please enter your email address:

FeedBurnerhooked you up. Seriously, you’ll be glad you did this. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about a few things.

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