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  Powered By Invesp  (in spite of the name)
 
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I’m number 15. See, Powered By Invesp
Imagine that. I’m not sure what the point of it all is, but 15 out of a gazillionty is really good. I think I’ll celebrate. Anyone wanna run circles in the yard with me while the kids chase us? Didn’t think so.
 
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One goal of mine has been to get the income from my websites up to a point where I wouldn’t ever feel “forced” to work. Well, I haven’t felt forced to work for the past ten days. TEN DAYS- that is a miracle for me, I find it way too easy to be glued to my computer. In the absence of forced work, I have failed to harvest all my farmville trees and animals, though I have claimed lost calves, fertilized my friend’s farms and chicken coops and sent presents to all the children in my FarmVille neighborhood. I found a few friends from high school and days beyond. I find it so strange that I see their name & face and feel so happy to have found them. It’s gratifying to see their photos, get a feel for their personality, lifestyle & career choices and then MOVE ON because I really don’t have much to say after 18ish years. I guess if we were together, chatting would be easier. It’s so nice to see them all, though. I always wonder if that one girl knew I had a nasty impression of her. She doesn’t appear to be bothered by it, if she does. Just to be safe, I’m not requesting friendship. Or maybe I should. What a complicated world this FaceBook is. Speaking of FaceBook, I had the strangest experience. I’m sitting in the office at a church, working on their website and chatting with a lady who was doing paperwork. She mentioned a niece in Oregon that she just visited. A little bit later, she mentioned that the niece worked from home, writing online. THEN- she mentioned that the niece had 8 kids and I said “Jeez, I probably know her, it’s a small world, this online writing business.” The woman must have thought I was kidding, and later, she mentioned that her niece was a doula. The wheels started turning and I thought of a lady I first met online in << Anyway, we had the most glorious day the other day. We were actually headed for the park when the girls unanimously decided that they wanted to go to the pound and walk a dog. We visited dogs and cats, then finally chose a friendly looking dog to walk. This dog was the absolute sweetest puppy EVER. he was so well behaved, he stayed right at my knee on the leash. i ran with him and when i stopped, he stopped. I don’t think I’ve ever held the leash of a dog that was so obedient. He was so sweet. We took him to the no-leash zone and he played fetch, he rolled over, he sat and it was just so sweet. If you live in Yakima & you’re looking for a dog, tell the Humane Society that you want Jordan. Then change his name. He’s more like a Buddy or a Mack or something. Anyway, after the pound, I wanted a latte, so we drove through Mocha Tree. I got each of the kids a small cocoa. These are rare luxuries for a family our size. I didn’t stress about spills before they happened and, miraculously, there were NO SPILLS. We planned to head to the park but it was pretty cold, so we went to the playplace in the mall instead. That’s like a playground, right? The older girls had some gift cards leftover from Christmas, so they shopped while The 4 younger ones and I hung out at the food court. When the littler ones got sick of the food court, we all headed down to Claire’s because, well, because little girls are magnetically drawn to large amounts of glitter, feathers, beads, elastic and rhinestones. It’s probably hormones. < Then, we had to leave. Meagan had dance class, so we headed to the other end of town to drop her off. I had to check Goodwill, I have a list of random things I’m keeping my eyes open for, so I tend to visit during Wednesday night dance classes. They didn’t have what I was looking for, but of course, each child found something she wanted. Gabriella found an American Girl Doll for $4 (SCORE) and Grace found a big bag o’toys, with plenty of Polly Pockets and Barbie clothes. Madelyn found a bag with about 8 Barbies in it, male and female, about 40% dressed. It might sound like a typical day out with daughters, but I’m telling you, we DO NOT SHOP as a general rule. This was so much fun. I don’t think I have EVER taken them to the espresso stand. Buying them each their own drink was just SO NOT NORMAL for us, but it was glorious. Life is so sweet.
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 Grace's 4th birthday Last August when grace turned 4, I don’t know if I posted pictures or anything. Sure, I could go back through the archives, but that always takes so long for me because the “search posts” feature never works like I want it to and I end up rereading a bunch of old memories and saying things like “Oh I can’t believe I didn’t mention…” or “How silly of me to be stressed over…” or even just feeling old because so much has happened since…” So- I’m reposting birthday pictures. And an unsolicited product review at the end.  Grace's cupcakes  baking cupcakes without a cupcake pan  Baking Cups
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Dear kids Sorry I suck Sorry I’m not the sparkly mom who wears makeup and jewelry all the time, even though you’re so good about giving me pretty things, I rarely decorate myself. Sorry about that. I also wanted to apologize for not being the mom that controls every minute of your day. I was really surprised when you told me that you WANTED me to give you more school assignments. I hope it’s not because you feel that these silly asisignments will improve your life as adults. Maybe it’s because you’re bored. I know in your generation a lot of parents think it’s important to schedule each minute of their kids’ day, and maybe, for them, that’s love. But I also know how fun it is to be busy and how important it is to follow your OWN plan. I guess I was hoping you’d use your own brain to busy yourself. Instead of being spiteful and choosing things you’ll hate in an effort to get you to choose your own things, I will try to choose things you’ll enjoy. I know some people find comfort in having everything planned out for them, and since I was domineering like that when you were smaller, I guess maybe that’s why you need this from me now. Sorry for not noticing earlier. I will be sure to provide you with instructions for how you should spend your days very soon. I still hope you grow up to be able to occupy yourselves. I’m not sure how long I can plan things for you without making chore lists. Like cleaning your room, for example. Can we put THAT on the list? I also wanted to apologize for not being the kind of mom who obsesses about breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m a grazer, by nature. I munch little things all day long and I have read scientific evidence that this is a healthier way to ingest calories. It prevents morning sickness (when you’re pregnant, that is, and I have been for over 60 months of my life) and it also prevents diabetes. I’d be lying if I said I was thinking about diabetes whenever I put out trays of fruit, homemade bread, cookies, chips & dip or randomly baked things throughout the day. Perhaps I was also wrong to assume that all the meals you prepare throughout the day weren’t to be reduced from the amount of food I am suppossed to prepare. To be very clear, the hundreds of dollars worth of groceries you prepare (deliciously, I might add) are “extra” and not to be subtracted from my parental food-preparation responsibilities, is that what you’re telling me? I will try to do better. I know you like dance classes, and I wanted to apologize for not being like the other dance moms. I notice them swooning over their daughters and obsessing over stray hairs and I just wanted to apologize for not obsessing over stray hairs. I think you look beautiful and stray hairs are so much prettier than hair-sprayed helmet hair. But it’s clear those mothers are displaying their brand of love, and I just wanted to apologize for not being so publicly loving in regards to your on-stage appearance. I also apologize for not being able to afford over $200 in dancewear for the recital that just passed. I know performing is fun. While I do secretly believe that the dancewear industry is run by kiddie porn freaks who like putting 3 yr olds in Las-Vegas Showgirl costumes, and designed to cater to families who don’t mind dropping $100 for ONE OUTFIT, that’s not why I didn’t get it. I honestly couldn’t afford it. At any thrift shop, I can buy 4-10 name-brand outfits for $100. $55 for one dance skirt makes my head spin. I told you this in advance and suggested you solicit help from grandparents and you chose not to. Stop hating me for it. I wanted to also apologize for not being “normal.” I don’t plan to try overcoming this one, I’m not going to pretend to enjoy current TV shows or fake an interest in politics or celebrity gossip (is there a difference?). I’m not going to pretend I don’t like your music, I’m not going to go get a job outside the house or force you & your sisters to go to public school. I’m not going to paint our walls white or start eating processed foods. I’m not going to order cable TV service & sit on the couch all evening. I’m sorry, I’m just not. I’m not sure exactly what “normal” people do that’s so attractive to you. I do what I like. If it’s not “normal” then I apologize. I don’t see how it’s affecting you, except perhaps that I’m giving you something to overcome. Maybe when you grow up you’ll be “extra normal” just to spite me. With regards to politics, I also wanted to apologize for the time I spend doing legal research. I hope you know I’m serious when I tell you that one day when you’re all grown I want to take the bar exam and make a living writing nasty letters and billing people for phone calls. Plus, it’s important to read the law. In the 1700’s that’s what people read. There were no “celebrity politicians” back then. Now, people just read the news. Even journalists. I read research and laws. Sorry, it’s how I am. It’s really time consuming, but I find it gratifying. I try to avoid it, but when I see a crazy news story, it’s in my blood to hunt down the original, official sources (and find out who funds them) to see the truth. I do try to avoid the news, for this reason. But I apologize anyhow, since the time I spend chasing down facts can affect the amount of money I’m making when I’m “working.” Finally, I wanted to apologize for having your sisters. Sometimes, I agree, the six of you are a bit much. I’m not sure which ones of you I’d return if that were an option, but I wouldn’t push it if I were you. The little ones haven’t given me a list of ways I’ve failed lately, so, for them, there’s still hope. I’m sure that over the next several years of being your mother, I will fail you in ways you may not even predict today. For that, in advance, I apologize. Get over it, please. And let’s just enjoy each other’s company, OK.
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This post was resurrected from last summer. I don’t know why it was still in draft form. BTW- in “unschooling language” the act of strategically placing materials and activities that help kids develop their interests is called “strewing” It’s sort of like pre-school “learning centers” except kids have free and unlimited access to the materials to explore in a way that they see fit. 
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It finally hit me. As a writer, when I have a thought I am having a hard time expressing, it drives me crazy. I’m always searching for the right words to explain my thoughts. I know some people think in words, but I tend to think in feelings sometimes. My second daughter loves animals. She’s always wanting to be surrounded by animals. She’s the one who had the dog-sitting business, kept her fish alive for 3 years and tries coming home with strays. She’s been wanting a rabbit for a long time. We put all sorts of conditions on it, which probably wasn’t very nice. “Your room has to be clean, you have to learn how to take care of rabbits, you have to read about rabbits, you have to [insert condition].” In spite of all of our resistance, she ended up with a rabbit. Why were we resisting this, when our whole “parenting philosophy” mandates that we’re supportive? I don’t know. Something about the fact that I am not a huge fan of animals. I don’t like the work involved in keeping them alive. I could handle having some free range hens, if I was getting eggs from them. I love our dog, he’s really low-maintenance. I just didn’t want a rabbit. They stink. So she researched rabbit bedding materials and found a combination , recommended by a friend, that basically results in no odor. She showed me, scientifically, why this combination is good. it’s something about drainage and pH. shreddy paper pulp underneath, topped with corn cob mulch. She found a friend who was giving away a rabbit and coincidentally that lady was using the same bedding trick. Meagan was beaming when she heard the lady explain it to me. This rabbit, by the way, was litter-box trained. Anyway- it took her a while to get this bunny home. Another way of looking at it would be that it took her a while to reach her goal. I don’t know if we handled it right, It’s not like my goal was to sabotage her. But if I hadn’t made it so much work maybe she wouldn’t have been so focused. I don’t know. Either way, I don’t think the rabbit gets out enough. It’s not getting enough exercise. I wasn’t sure how to handle this. On one hand, I wanted to say that “if you don’t take care of the rabbit, I’m getting rid of it.” On the other hand, “I’m so impressed that you worked so hard to get it, I don’t want to be the one to ruin your dream.” I could blame it on her & say “I wouldn’t be getting rid of it if you’d take care of it” but then I am being “the judge” inflicting a punishment instead of letting her learn from life. My next thought is that if she’s learning from life then the rabbit might die. That did NOT feel right. If I did that, then I’d be just as guilty as she was. So I took a quiet moment to try and picture what the perfect scenario is. I want the rabbit to be healthy as long as it’s in our house. Scott Noelle taught me this trick. You just close your eyes and picture the result you want for a minute. Finally, it dawned on me. Instead of thinking in terms of “What should I do about this problem?” or “How can I get my daughter to take care of this rabbit?” I decided that “I’m going to do everything in my power to see that my daughter succeeds.” So often, growing up, I know I felt that my goals, dreams, wishes and hopes were ignored, ridiculed, and not important to the people around me. I don’t think that’s true, looking back at things. I just think that kids don’t often communicate their goals in ways that adults see. If a friend of mine were to come to me & say “I’m opening a bakery” I would make an effort to recommend them whenever people talked about bakeries. I’d give them marketing tips, I’d schedule business meetings there. Supporting goals you UNDERSTAND is easy. Kids’ goals, though, are a bit harder to understand, but a lot easier to help with. All I need to do here is NOT get rid of the rabbit. When a kid says “can you spell barbie for me” that’s their goal. Or, perhaps their goal is to get to barbie.com. Either way, they don’t start out with business plans. Some parents will say “look it up” Which means “Good luck with that goal. I know how to do it but you’re not getting any help from me. Figure it out your own self.” Another parent may say “Sound it out” Which means “work for it” When my little girls ask, I just spell it for them. Goal reached. Now she’s tasted success, reached her communication goals, and knows how it feels to be supported. I made a decision to say “I will do everything in my power to help you reach your goal.” That’s what I would want. That’s what I’d do for my husband. That’s what I’d do for a friend. So technically nothing has changed, except for my attitude. The old me would have gotten rid of the rabbit, thinking that the rabbit’s safety was in jeopardy. The new me is taking responsibility for the rabbit’s safety and subsequently for my daughter’s experience. Instead of learning that we are obstacles to her happiness, she is learning that her success is important to us and that we’ll help her. Isn’t that what life is all about, helping one another? I grew up with a feeling that asking for help was wrong. I still have trouble depending upon the people around me. Isn’t that what families are for? In any relationship, it’s important to help one another meet their needs. I had to repeat that revelation several times tonight. “I will do everything in my power to make sure that you reach your goals.” I think it’s VERY important. Imagine how empowering it would be to believe that everyone around you was ready to help you reach your goals. Update- this was written about a week ago. I hadn’t intended on posting it, I was going to keep it archived. However, I made a habit of scooping the rabbit’s litter box and letting it out to hop around each day and she’s taken over a few times, to do it. I’m really surprised with myself, though. Something that I was so stressed out by is now completely gone, just because I changed my thinking about it. What’s your parenting pet peeve? How can you change your thinking? I actually enjoy taking care of that rabbit, now. Like wrapping a birthday gift or knitting a hat for a new baby. When I do it, I know I am helping. That’s how caring for another creature should feel, not like a chore.
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A friend of mine in California has 5 children, 4 of whom were diagnosed with epilepsy after the last one was born. It was a recessive gene that neither parent knew they carried, if I remember correctly. I might not remember correctly after ten years, but I’ll do my best to share the details I remember, then you can go read her story for yourself if it sounds unbelievable. Because it might. Anyway, I met her in 1997 and most of this happened right around the time that ADD and ADHD started to become “popular” and doctors first tried to treat her epileptic children with the some of the same drugs they were using on kids with “behavior problems” some were really harsh and would make him zombie-like. Jennifer didn’t know which was worse, the drugs or the seizures. No medication “worked” he became “drugged,” “clumsy,” and “zoned out” and to top it off, they didn’t get rid of the seizures. So she sees a lifetime movie, based on a true story, of a man whose son was cured using a diet that had been developed- and used as an epilepsy treatment, in the 1930’s. OK this was like 1995-ish So a dietary cure for epilepsy was documented, filmed, written about and USED AS MEDICINE – 60 years ago. None of her doctors had heard of it- and the one who did believed that it hadn’t been effective. He referred her to someone though- and she did some research online- about “The Ketogenic diet” It’s very strict- extremely high fat (brain nourishment) and ABSOLUTELY NO CARBS. The “dangerous medical condition,” ketosis, that opponents of carb-free diets try to warn about, is actually the GOAL of this “epilepsy diet” Because it has such a powerful affect upon the body’s chemistry, it’s dangerous. It has to be administered in a clinical setting, you can’t just go home & change your diet. They have to monitor your blood chemistry like HOURLY and compare it with every calorie and gram of food you’re eating. A personalized meal plan must be developed using the patient’s specific chemistry and re-evaluated like every single week, until it’s right. With kids, their body’s needs change so fast. the perfect menu this week could cause problems next week. So you can imagine how hard it was for this woman to feed her kids. She ended up with 4 of them on the diet at a time. 4 separate spreadsheets with precise measurements of each food (which must be eaten at a specific time) and it wasn’t just regular food either, it was like peanut butter, heavy cream, iceberg lettuce… And the kids WANT other food. They don’t realize that it can KILL them. Well here’s the thing. Medicine doesn’t cure epilepsy. It’s not something kids grow out of. It’s a one way street. My late aunt Elaine was epileptic and she was on medication her entire life. The diet, however, has cured these kids of their epilepsy. Alex was having like 200 seizures a day. even when he was drugged, he was still having seizures. He is about 16 now and hasn’t had one in years. Anyway- I always thought Jennifer was one of the most amazing moms I know. Life with 4 kids on the diet, and being a fun homeschooling mom, was so hard- her sanity, marriage and house probably all suffered at times. The amount of stress her & her husband were under was just exhausting. And their heads were both held high the entire time. They always had smiles for the kids, for friends and usually for each other Imagine- they had to pay CASH. 4 kids in and out of inpatient and outpatient treatment over a few years. Her husband was unemployed for a little while, then he worked at Disney. The man was driving 2-3 HOURS to get to work. I always thought they deserved some “parents of the year” award. And their parents were very supportive, too. Sometimes when they had doctor appointments (3-4 hour drive) away, they’d cut a few hours off the drive time by staying there overnight. I haven’t spoken to her in almost 10 years . I peeked at her facebook, noticed all her kids looked healthy in the pictures, and kept meaning to catch up with her one of these days. So today, I see that she blogged about their story a little (with links to her older posts) about Epilepsy month and I just wanted to tell her story a little better,with the glory she deserves (because she’s not tooting her own horn and because I want to share the amazing diet with families who may need it. THAT is the magic of the internet. So- without further ado… my friend Jennifer in Palmdale, California..
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Do you know what a Youtube playlist is? People string together a bunch of videos of their choosing (usually around a central theme) and you can watch them all in a row. I’m currently Anyway- here’s the playlist that I’m currently listening to, you can literally put it on and walk away and never stop listening. I wish I could fit my computer in my pocket and listen like an iPod.
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It’s no secret that our culture has some mental issues. My philosophy is that it’s all because of how we were raised. A lot of people who were children during the depression are either pack rats now or minimalists, responding adversely to an extreme situation. The daily decisions we make as parents, based upon underlying parental myths, can cause children to grow up with crazy misconceptions about their place in the world, altering their understanding of themselves and, well, ruining life, sort of. #1- your children are demons, sent by satan to turn your godly home into chaos.There’s actually a series of “child training” books on the market that teaches unsuspecting new parents to believe this load of crap. Here’s the truth: Babies aren’t inherently evil. It’s just difficult to communicate when you’re learning a new language. Especially when, physically, your body is designed to be dependent upon an adult caregiver. That’s just the way it is. Sure, it might feel like they have an ulterior motive at times, but I assure you that they don’t. As a matter of fact, I’m sure that if you confront your baby directly, they’ll have to respond with truthfulness, much like an undercover police officer must tell the truth when confronted. Just say, point blank “Are you a messenger from Satan?” Your baby will undoubtedly answer “WTF? You and dad made me, I am a whole and perfect creation. Get a grip and go read Dr Sears instead of backwoods Tennessee preachers.” Adhering to this belief will systematically turn your child into a creature that’s too scared to assert their own will or to ask questions and think for themselves. An entire generation of people who adhere to this belief will end up handing over their lives to politicians, drug companies and processed food companies because they have never made a decision for themselves and believe that they’re too stupid to make their own decisions and that nature isn’t designed to meet their needs. They’re living under the erroneous assumption that “the people in charge know my needs better than I do, so I will shut up, blend in and not make a fuss, otherwise they will hit me. They’ll be completely out of touch with ANY inner guidance system and will constantly be looking to experts for guidance, rather than making their own decisions. They’ll be unhappy to the core, even if you’ve taught them that they must smile (Yes, that’s part of the “training” program) If evil exists, it lies in this type of parenting that, contrary to its name, isn’t “baby wise” but absolutely and completely against every morsel of scientific research into human behavior and psychology. This article from Atheist Homeschool gives more detail on the method. On the next edition of Parenting Myths That can Ruin Your Family:
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On good days, I don’t even believe that bad days exist. “Life’s what you make it,” right? maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it’s the powerlessness of feeling out of control That’s it. That’s always all it is, isn’t it. I’m telling you, people have no idea how hard it is to be a control freak. Or a perfectionist. Evelyn has been out of diapers for about a month now. All my girls learned how to use the potty around the same age. I don’t have any potty-training secrets, except that when they don’t want to wear diapers, don’t force them and when they want to wear panties, embrace it. It’s been my experience that somewhere between 12 and 24 months, little girls decide that panties are more fun than diapers. who can blame them? We don’t give treats for peeing, with the exception of the “yeah you peed in the potty” song which is a spontaneous performance that’s initiated by the child’s own delight at having heard their pee hit the toilet water for the first time. Talk about a rush. We don’t use pull-ups and pretend that they’re anything other than diapers. We don’t punish anybody for peeing elsewhere. Today, for whatever reason, she peed on my bed. She’d been a little out-of-sorts all day and well, actually, so have I. So there’s pee on my bed. Fine. I’ll just add that to the list of things that have annoyed me since 6:12 a.m. (that’s when today started) Luckily it’s just a teeny bit of pee. She was playing with Grace and they were tickling eachother. Who wants to stop to use the toilet when they can just keep playing, right? Perhaps she’s testing the limit of her bladder. Either way, there’s pee on my bed. When she noticed it, she yelled POTTY POTTY POTTY and finished in the bathroom. She’ll get the hang of it. Today might be the first day I haven’t asked her if she wanted to go potty with me. I just wasn’t in the mood for company, y’know. So I pull off the sheets, use a disposable diaper to suck up the pee (Isn’t that genius, disposable diapers are like moisture magnets, they can get spills out of carpets and pillows, too. I’m just saying…) Pee is sucked up. I scrub. Warm water and baking soda. I figure that the disposable diapers killed enough trees that I don’t need to use chemical cleaners where we lay our heads, right. Actually, I’m totally lying, I just used water. This isn’t our first wet bed and I really just plan to turn the mattress over later on because that makes pee disappear. Don’t tell me otherwise, I’m really not in the mood. So we head out the door, the bed is air-drying a bit and I have two kids that need to be at play rehearsal. Such is the life of a diva’s mom. What’s the plural of diva? Divas, so if I’m the mom of divas, then I should say such is the life of a divas’ mom? Would that be a posessive plural? I could look this up or continue. I’ll continue, my readers love it when I complain. All this stuff is really true, where’s my sympathy? So anyway- we’re in the car, driving to rehearsal. Someone left a pear in the backseat so we’re swatting fruit flies while we drive. Whatever. One of the divas insists upon sushi for a rehearsal snack. Every time she’s in a play, she finds a food-centric way to kiss up to the director, and this director likes sushi. So sushi it is for lunch. Where does she get these ideas, and how cool is it that my 12 yr old likes sushi? Actually, she decided to like it before she tried it because she thought it was cool. But her mouth didn’t agree right away and it’s a good thing I like sushi because she made me buy it like 4 times and FORCED herself to eat it until she could appreciate it. Now it’s one of her favorite foods. Anyway- to the store for sushi. There’s a starbucks in the store. I see a man at the Starbucks- hopefully he has some sort of thyroid condition because I’d hate to think he had eaten himself into that size. He was in a wheelchair and his skin was pressing through all of the cracks, like the chair was going to explode. The food items in his basket were diet coke, cream cheese, bakery cupcakes, beef jerky and ketchup. In my mind, I wonder if he thinks that could represents all 4 food groups, then I decide he’s probably just ordering coffee and my nasty little mind should stop thinking mean thoughts. So I smile and try to mimic the “I love everyone” smile that I usually have but I’m just not feeling it today. We make it through the store uneventfully. I choose organic produce because I know that’s what “better-me” does and I’m in no condition to make decisions about anyone’s well-being when I’m feeling rotten. But honestly, at this moment, who the heck cares if the produce is organic, everything else is toxic. Anyway- back in the car. Me, my divas, the organic produce and the fruit flies. I just realized that was a little ironic. Then I realize that the guy at starbucks probably didn’t have fruit flies in his car. whoa_ BACK UP- REWIND- BACK TO THE CHECKSTAND. Caps weren’t intended there, but I’m too lazy to take them away. Some days you just don’t care. Plus it makes a nice visual indicator that we’re going back in time, otherwise you’d be surprised by the following sentence. We’re at the check stand and I notice a whole slew of people at Starbucks GETTING FLU SHOTS. Those caps were intended. WTF?? At Starbucks? Excuse me, I’ll have a 24 ounce latte and enough mercury for a 550 pound man. OMG- I wonder if that guy was 550 pounds? He wasn’t getting a flu shot but I bet he might feel nice knowing that he’s the only one in the store who wouldn’t be getting more than their daily dose of mercury. Is that really my most generous thought of the day? Either way, that wasn’t the point. I just thought it was twisted to see medical procedures being administered at Starbucks. They had nurses and alcohol swabs, clipboards with forms to fill out and tons of people sitting there waiting to bet their flu shot. It was surreal. I was glad my kids were waiting in the car because I was in no mood to talk, especially about THAT. I wanted to just cough on all of them, just for being there. Are they consciously deciding to subject their system to this unnatural event, or are they just not smart enough to research the matter, allowing themselves to be spoon-fed the fruits of an economy that nurtures the medical establishment by marketing foods that actually make people sick? I wonder if anyone waiting for the flu shot is on a raw food diet. I need to start eating better. We should have my chinese salad for dinner. I forgot there’s a potroast in the crockpot. Of course, it’s that kind of day. maybe I will have a chicken salad and everyone else can eat the pot roast. Maybe I’ll have both. Anyways, so we’re back in the car FOR REAL THIS TIME Drop off the drama queens, to practice for their roles in Robinson Crusoe. Drive the other kids home. They’re flipping through the most recent edition of Woman’s Day in the backseat. We discuss the advertisements, recipes and article headlines in the car. A picture of a 10 yr old with cleft palate advertises for a charity that helps foreign kids get surgery. I contemplate whether or not we, as a society, are helped or harmed by cleft palate surgery. If there’s a God, perhaps he places “imperfect” people in the world to remind us all of how truly lucky we are. Please know that the reason I put the word imperfect in quotation marks is because I grew up with a cousin who had cerebral palsy. He wasn’t imperfect, he WAS perfect. More perfect than anyone I’ve ever known. Untarnished by a world he couldn’t comprehend, he lived with complete love and affection from everyone around him. Unable to move independently or speak words, he never got into any trouble, no one was ever angry with him. He was completely unjaded, he smiled and laughed at all times. If he was in physical pain, he’d cry. He was exactly everything he was supposed to be, just as he was. Is it really noble to try and make everyone “normal?” I wonder if cleft palate babies can nurse. I’ll bet suction is difficult. I wonder if there was a time when they’d all die. I wonder if it’s possible to feed a child by squirting milk in to their mouth. I mean, I wonder if your milk supply would be OK. Then, I am reminded that in cases like that, bottles are also a good application of technology. Then, I wonder why I always evaluate the psycho-social effects of technology and medicine when I’m depressed. You know, it was the doctors who killed my cousin. During his tracheotomy, they left a cord touching his heart and his body died fighting with the foreign object. My sister and I were visiting that day, blood started to come through his tubes. I think I was 12 or something. My kids have pulled all the coins from the car to send to the boy for his surgery. How is it possible to think all of these thoughts simultaneously, we’re not even halfway home yet. The rest of the drive home we discuss pearl onions, fruit flies, and a variety of other things. I discover that someone left the door open and muddy dogs have trampled in and out of the house. There’s wet dog smell and dirt on my mattress. Perhaps I’m feeling better. I’m kind of glad for bad days. If every crappy thing in life could confine itself to one day a month, that would be cool. I can’t wait for dinner, pot roast smells so good.
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Peppers in your eye? Rinse with cold water for 15 minutes to relieve the burning. (forgive me for being so quick about getting to the point unlike another blogger who made me read through squinted teary eyes about her whole family history and traumatic pepper in the eyes experience before finally getting to the point about what to do when you get pepper in your eye.) Actually, I am extremely grateful to her because otherwise i would have had to follow my husband’s suggestion to hold a slice of bread up to my eye. Actually, I’ll admit that I did try his stupid bread suggestion, but I didn’t think it would work, I just felt like I was depending upon the internet a little too much and wanted to use my brain instead of google’s to find the answer, but I couldn’t for the life of me decide whether the pepper was an acid or a base. Here are some of the suggestions from the goofballs that answer questions on yahoo and wiki answers… milk Anyway- it’s better now and I’m not blind. And it was just plain bell peppers. I think. And apparently most people are smart enough to wear gloves when they cut peppers. It’s a good thing I didn’t go potty afterward.
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And now for a totally unrelated doodle
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So I’m writing this series of articles over at Type-A Mom that will be turned into an eBook. So far it’s called Homeschool Kindergarten Science Activities or something like that. Basically, if you’ve never noticed, Kindergarten Science is a joke. Can I say that? Social Studies is, too but that’s another story. Let’s talk Science here. Come along with me- google “kindergarten standards” and let’s just grab the first document that comes up. For me, it was the Illinois Early learning Standards. My apologies, Illinois. So apparently they’re trying to adhere to “State Goal 11″ which states that kindergarteners should “Understand the processes of scientific inquiry and technological design It’s a lot of big words that say basically that kids should understand how to investigate matters. Additionally, they are being held accountable for adhering to “Learning Standard A” which requires kids to “Know and apply the concepts, principles and processes of scientific inquiry.” Which, basically, says the same darned thing as “State goal 11″ Find me a five year old somewhere on the planet who doesn’t investigate things. Are kids these days still asking “WHy?” every ten minutes? It gets more ridiculous, though. They actually spell out the innate logical process that children should be “taught” to go through in order to figure things out. Here are the “Benchmarks.” (I left the complicated numbering system in place in the interest of full disclosure and mockery of the systematic multigazilliondollar shammery) “11.A.Ka Use senses to explore and observe materials. UM- OK, so how can I say in my article that kids NATURALLY “explore and observe materials” it’s called bringing frogs in the house, jumping in mud puddles, climbing trees, staring at the lake for ten minutes watching the ripples on the water. BUT- a serious educator might ask- are they using their senses? Better not take any chances here, “Johhny, be sure you smell everything.” What the heck is this? This is REAL LIFE KINDERGARTEN CLASSROOM GOALS FOR SCIENCE. Let’s look at benchmark #11a.kb “Begin to develop questions on scientific topics, such as natural phenomena.” So apparently, if you’ve ever hear the question “Mommy, why is the sky blue?” then youre OK, right. “Why do the birds chirp in the morning?” “Why do bees make honey?” Goshgollygeewhiz, that’s three questions. Must be an over-achiever. I’m going to skim down into another area of garbage. How can parents not SEE that this isn’t learning, that while the language might be full of big words here- they’re really just taking kids natural habits and turning them INTO “lessons.” So kids end up not WANTING to explore anymore because everything they might have been interested in has been drizzled down into fragmented crap with big words attached. Ok- I was going to scroll down a bit. You know what, I’m not going to. it just keeps getting more and more stupid. In benchmark # 12.E.K.a kids in kindergarten are supposed to BEGIN to notice the weather. Excuse me- my 15 month old can say rain and snow, this is NOT a SKILL that 5 year olds need to be taught. None of these things are. Every single one of these stupid stupid things that have been edu-fied into gobbledygook “benchmarks” reflects NATURAL things kids learn just from conversation. Do they really think kids just DON’t NOTICE the weather until their teacher points it out? So my task here is to write up articles about real-life kindergarten Science learning activities, so parents don’t buy into the idea that kids need a worksheet to learn that the sky is blue. But here’s what really got my goat. I couldn’t find any national standards. I don’t want to write the article based upon a state’s standards because I know some parents really want to use THEIR state’s guidelines. I went to www.ed.gov, for the US Department of Education, and there’s a lot of STUFF on their site, but no national standards. Do we HAVE no national standards? Not that I care that much- I mean, I think they’re all garbage anyways, but do we really honestly have each state spend a fortune producing and periodically updating their OWN set of standards? Could this be true? So then what is NCLB based upon? Is each state really making up their own rules? What a formula for disaster. No wonder the goals are so low. The system rewards low standards. I hope I’m wrong about this, and that there are national standards with a different name and maybe that’s why I didn’t find them. Not that it would affect what we do in our home. But then at least I can write about how much bunk they are. No wonder they’re hard to find. I’ll bet they do exist and they’re so stupid that they’re afraid someone like me will read it and their whole game will be up. Yeah. I really just want to cut through the big words and make sure parents know- it’s no mystery, you can do this, and you probably already did. Kids are awesome. Can you tell; mine are all asleep.
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Either way, the camera was found. It was in the dollhouse. Imagine that. Crackheads living in the dollhouse. Who knew?
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That every now and then I have this dream where I decide to unlock the extra rooms in my house. And it’s always so much fun exploring these rooms that were always there, but we never used them. And they always have really cool stuff in them. Stuff I always wanted. Like boxes filled with a million colors of paint, and tons of closet space and ink for my printer. Crazier thing- my husband has the same dream. Actually in his dream, he walks into an unfamiliar room in our house and decides to sit down & relax, thinking “Hmmm, how come we never use this room?” So it obviously means I am dangerously close to schizophrenia, right? And that my other personality has a way better house than I do. Anyways, I don’t feel like looking it up but if you are the kind of person who loves to research dream-meanings then I’d be curious to know what’s up with it. Not that I really believe all dreams have meaning, especially when nothing I do while I’m awake has any meaning, but still. If it were proof of insanity or genius, I’d like to know. Maybe it means that i spend all day driving my kids around to all their different activities and I just want to go home.
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So I spent all this time writing this thing up for facebook and I thought I’d put it here because no one ever sees my facebook and I thought it was pretty funny. 1- I have 6 daughters (I thought I’d start with the easy one)  image from the amazing http://insanityenjoyed.blogspot.com/
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So my sister is hilarious. If she were older than me I’d credit her with my sense of humor, but I guess she just gets it from me. I wish I could say we get it from our father or our Aunt Maryann or Aunt Donna but they are so much funnier than both of us combined. Here’s how funny she is, though. She has a 1 year old son, Mason. She got a few party poppers for New Year’s Eve and popped one. Mason, instead of being amused and amazed by the explosion of teeny little streamers and making a weight loss resolution or vowing to track his expenses better, reprimanded her fpor making a mess and cleaned it all up. So she did it again. and he did it again. So after she made her little mess like 10 times she decided to celebrate New year’s eve in Greenwich Mean Time. In fact, she was so amused with her declaration that she wanted to make it her facebook status, but since she’d updated her status a few hours earlier and already gotten a compliment on it, she didnt’ want to change it right away. So she called me so I could laugh at her goofy joke. Then, she tells me this story about a wedding she went to a long time ago. The clergy attending the wedding had been given a cloak made from an official army blanket. On his cloak, he had several patches. Each patch was made by a couple he had married, as part of their pre-marital counseling. The agreement is that if they ever get divorced, they need to both remove the patch together. A few of the guests had prepared poems and speeches for the happy couple, and a friend had even written a song that she strummed out on the guitar with a chorus that repeated the words “ho-o-o-o-oly matrimo-o-o-o-ny” Imagine that. As goofy as it sounds, I hope a few of my daughters go that route, though. I’m just looking at buying cars, college educations and weddings, thinking the hippy or redneck wedding might not be such a bad idea.
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Is your garage a dump? It doesn’t have to be. There are inexpensive garage storage solutions available. From garage organizers to garage cabinets cute enough to call “garage decor.” Set aside next weekend to tackle your garage. Haven’t you been meaning to fix your garage storage issue for months now? Here’s how to get started clearing that garage floor (and shelves, walls, etc.) Open the garage door and designate three specific areas on the driveway or the lawn. Removing the items completely will enable you to get to the bottom of the mess, and it will inspire you to finish the project today. Who wants all that stuff on their lawn?. Area number one is for items you intend to keep. Area number two is for items you intend to give away or sell at a yard sale. Area number three is for garbage. Place an ad on Craigslist.com for your yard sale right now. The ad is free. While you’re there, check to see if anyone is getting rid of any garage organizers. You might need one. As everything in your garage is removed, be sure to sort it into one of the three areas. Be liberal with the pile of items to get rid of. If you haven’t used the item in the past year (two years for seasonal items) then chances are, you won’t be using it again. Once everything is out of your garage, sweep the floor clean and analyze your garage storage options. Do you need to install a garage cabinet? Is your garage shelving in good repair? Are the shelves wide enough and are there enough shelves? The items you have removed from the garage; are they clearly labeled? Boxes with no label should be inspected and properly labeled. An inexpensive way to do this would be with masking tape and a permanent marker. Many people simply write numbers on the boxes and keep a list of what’s in each box by the number. This way, when it’s time to pull out that old antique beveled mirror, you can consult your list and see that it’s in box number 7. You can add hooks on the ceiling of your garage to store bicycles, picture frames and other items. Stackable dairy crates are great for storing gardening equipment, hand tools and tool sets. Garage organizers can be set up in various places to help you keep track of your inventory of stuff. Off-season clothing can be stored in stackable plastic boxes, with size and season labels. Many garages have a corner set up for shop tools, whether they’re for woodworking or automotive. Consider setting up a similar corner for gardening, sporting and storage of other items. Segregating the nature of storage items means that there’s a place for everything. Don’t chicken out on the yard sale, your garage floor will stay clean if you get rid of the items you don’t need. You can also drop them off at a thrift shop or shelter, too.
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I think I forgot to blog this, and since one of the purposes of this blog is for my kids, I should mention them. OK, so we’re at the mall, the day before my birthday and 5 yr old Maddy hears some coughing in the play tunnel. I’m downstairs talking to the cell phone salesman and all of the kids, plus my oldest daughter’s 15 yr old friend are right there, at the little play place in the food court. So Maddy hears hacking and says as much out loud, 15yr old friend overhears this and peeks into the tunnel and is shocked to see my baby Evelyn (turned one 5 days prior) lying on her back with a gallon of slobber foaming out of her mouth a purplish face and hackinggaggingcoughing so she takes her out of the tunnel and turns her over to do the baby heimlich. Meagan flies down the escalator to get me and I fly back up the escalator to the baby. While we’re busy flying, Emilee is standing by and does the accompanying mouth sweep to remove anything from baby’s mouth. Friend gets in 2-3 pounds on baby’s back and an army guy from the Recruiting center is walking past and asks the girls “Is she choking†and Emilee says “yes†so he TAKES her and in 2-3 more whacks she’s suddenly breathing again. No one saw anything fly out of her mouth and I landed right as the army guy handed her back to Emilee and walked away. So Emilee hands her to me and she’s totally fine- like nothing happened. Her dress was wet in the front from all the slobber. No one saw anything fly out of her mouth and no one knows what she was choking on. So I imagine the worst and take her to get X-rayed because it could be something sharp, like a piece of glass (because you know mall play places have broken glass, right?) or maybe it was a penny or something and I was afraid it would obstruct her digestive system and cause a blockage or an infection or something else (I told you I’ve been watching medical shows on TV lately) So anyways, The big girls stayed at the mall and I took 4 kids to the ER to get an Xray on her belly. We didn’t catch any terrible diseases (in spite of the fact that I have never EVER seen them wipe down the chairs in the lobby) and the kids thought her little Xray picture was fascinating. (OK , the word they used was “cute.â€)
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Grace and Evelyn just love ladybugs. We bought about 300 of them for the garden and they love to pick them up & bring them back to the tomatoes every chance they get. grace is the official ladybug relocation specialist. She picks them up carefully, talks to them a bit, to reassure them that it’s safe, then places them gently on a new leaf. Evelyn just looks at them. When we first got them, Gabriella ran into the house jumping around like she had the heebie jeebies (or is it the creepy crawlies? If you ever do this, don’t wear white) She told me there were ladybugs everywhere “but I think they’re all off of me, now.” So I asked her to turn around and there were about 12 of them crawling in all different directions on her back. Anyhow, the ladybugs are feasting on whatever critters were in the garden. I figure if they ever run out of food they can zip over to the roses. Buying bugs seems kind of silly but they were less than $5 and I figure I can call it an educational expense, right? On the living room table, I have placed several ladybug coloring pages I printed, books about insects and even a few plastic toy ladybugs. I can’t wait until they come inside, they’re going to love it. I’ve always wanted to decorate a ladybug bedroom.
They both also worked hard every year to put on a golf fundraiser to rise money for scientific research into developing more facilities to treat epileptic kids – AND to make insurance pay for it.
As a homeschooling mom, I try not to rant about the educational system too much. As a wish-I-was-cool-enough-to-be-a-real-radical-unschooler, I try to show the ways kids learn in real-life situations. I’m not out to convert someone to a lifestyle they’re not comfortable with, but I’d like them to cheerfully discover how awesome learning and life can be.
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